The "asian beetle" and wasp plague lasted almost three months. My Kirby will never be the same. But I spent the Christmas break while I had help building two chicken coops and assembling a trailer. Yes I ordered a road worthy 4 x 8 trailer online and assembled it. Budget is everything.

It is very hard to find out farming information. You'd think with the 'slow food' movement and publications like Mother Earth and Backyard Poultry I'd have lots of answers but they are for backyard situations not a real farm. For example trying to figure out how much coop room I needed per chicken. They don't actually need a lot of coop room they need a lot of 'pen' room or free range room. At night they need about 6 inches on a roost. There you go. And that information about how high the roost and diameter and maybe clearance above the roost would have been helpful.

So next step was a deep breath and some prioritizing. What did I need to do first. I figured an orchard takes a few years to even start producing so I'd start there. I'd researched trees during my time in Phoenix so I knew I wanted a mixed orchard and I wanted to order them from companies here in Georgia. So I shopped! I also found someone to come auger out 40 holes in the field I designated for the orchard. Best spent money ever! The orchard is on a slope just beyond the lake so that the water will regulate wild swings in temperature to avoid harvests lost to spring freezes and such. So I had holes and then I waited for the trees to arrive.

Then I ordered chickens. I read about a hatchery in the Georgia Farm bureau newspaper and ordered through them. I figured they'd just been scrutinized and thus were better than ordering blind. Like the trees I ordered a mixed batch. How do I know which breeds I'll get along with? And a pleaded for a straight run (all hens) as a newbie.

Next I designated a field close to the house for the vegetable garden. I've decided on raised beds so I can keep gardening for the next 50 years. Its a lot of work up front but then its doable for one person year after year (I hope!)

So sometime in February I got the soil analysis back and I needed 7 tons of lime!! Ok did the suburban scenario just run through your mind? It did mine! But it turns out you can call a Lime company and they come with a really big truck and drive all over your property spewing lime out the back and then you pay them, Ta da. And the soil in Georgia is very acid so if some lime gets in your pond its a good thing. Then I ordered concrete blocks because wood is so expensive right now due to Storm Sandy that permanent concrete block beds are only marginally more expensive than wood and what the heck. And for a $50 fee they bring them to you. Whoo hoo.

So I've got trees coming, chicks coming, and a bunch of concrete blocks. I'm fairly committed here. And I'm still thinking OMG what have I done? Because now Christmas is over. Everyone else is back to work/school and I'm here with the dogs day after day all by myself.

I'm trying to do research and meet neighbors and learn how to use the county extension service (not as helpful as you'd think). I went to a class only an hour or so away and got my 'candling license'. I now know how to check eggs and can sell them off my farm here in Georgia. The nicest people take these classes! Then I took the ServSafe course required by lots of restaurants and ewww! it really changes how you look at restaurant food. But I passed. Now I just need a home inspection and then I can  possibly get a home prepped food license. Georgia is one of the last states to allow this and I'm getting the impression I'm the guinea pig. We'll see how it goes.

The neighbors are a mixed bag. I'll leave it at that.

So the trees arrive. Between snowstorms and taking the classes and when people can come up and the fact its raining EVERY weekend I manage to plant all 40 trees all by myself. Getting creaky.

So for the record that's 4 asian pears, 5 apple trees, 6 cherry, 3 plum, 5 pears, 2 apricots, 2 nectarines, 2 hazelnuts, 2 walnuts, 3 pecans, 2 almonds, 3 figs and a blueberry.

So I asked for a farm. I had to sell the idea for a while. But with the political climate what it is, Monsanto out to end us all and possible grandbabies in the future the sell just wasn't that hard. So then I went farm hunting. Not in Wisconsin or Arizona so where? Temperate climate, long growing season, near water. Florida had nothing in my price range. Tennessee had some lovely properties but they tended to be very remote. And oddly you'd have over a hundred acres but the view from the farm house always included a trailer. Huh? I ruled out South Georgia because that is all that's wrong with Florida with none of the perks. I searched for farms but I kept in mind demographics, education, average annual incomes. I mean if you grow expensive organic food and no one can afford them well really what's the point. So I found some properties in North Georgia. Interesting fact: places in North Georgia (not Atlanta) have the highest concentration of PhD.'s in the SE. So I concentrated my search there and found two likely prospects. One was 100 acres and fairly remote, on the Alabama line (literally) had a cool house and barn but....no water and lots of yucca plants. For a good laugh I recommend googling how to kill yucca plants. The other was in a valley, with a small lake and near a river that feeds in Lake Weiss. It had a wooden farm house (like every surface in the house was wood) a workshop, garage and barn. But most appealing was it was perfectly manicured and landscaped. I mean it had a stone entrance and black iron gates. I felt that maybe I could handle it. So we made an offer.

I'm going to skip the rant here about financing because its over. But banks don't like to lend money for land just houses. So the whole system is literally forcing us in suburbs. Just saying.

Four MONTHS later I bought my farm. I packed up what I thought I needed out of the house in Phoenix and drove across the country AGAIN! ( I may have omitted we moved ourselves out to AZ and I made the drive 4 times. I know truck butt.

I moved in three days before Thanksgiving and yes I cooked a turkey and everything. China and Silver and Crystal. And the bird was good. Then everyone left. The first few nights were fairly freaky. I mean I had no internet yet. No tv. Just a few lights and frankly there is nothing to compare to 'I am totally alone out here and there are no street lights for miles' darkness. And then one of the dogs locked me out on the porch. Yes I broke the door down and now there will always be a key hidden somewhere. For those of you thinking nefarious things I don't really mind chicken poop anymore so just try finding it. And yes the dog survived but it was a close thing.

So I set about learning how to correctly use a wood burning stove for heat. Rule number one always get enough firewood from the shed before it gets dark. My Amazon orders started to reflect that. A firewood holder for the porch. A sling for carrying firewood. Eventually that upgraded to a wagon. Firestarters and lighters. And all the packaging it came in came in very handy. I'm not proud I cheat when I'm cold.

I found myself thinking OMG what have I done? I've given up a plush though lonely existence in AZ and I'm still alone and in the middle of nowhere. And then the ladybugs arrived. By the thousands. Crawling up the walls, on the ceiling, on me. I'm not exaggerating. They smell BTW. And then the wasps joined them.

I've lived a lot of places. All in the U.S. but still I've gotten around. I just had to get a new driver's license and for the first time ever they asked for all the states I'd ever had a license in before. I asked, "In order? and does it matter the number of times in each state?"  They were not amused. I thought it was a valid question. I could rant here about needing an additional 4 forms of i.d. 2 proofs of address, ss number and then they wanted a certified copy of my marriage license when they had all the documentation before them that I have never changed my name but that's for another day. Today I'm going to invite you to join me on a true adventure. And with any good adventure you need to know why.

So I've moved a lot. I'm really not the wandering type. I would have been perfectly happy living my days out in Florida enjoying the more relaxed casual life there. I like beaches and swamps and open water. I love storms that only last 5 minutes and sunsets that take your breath away. But my family moved. I managed to get back to Florida for college (Go Gators!) but then (there is ALWAYS a recession when me or mine graduate) I could only find work in Atlanta. I married my Gator sweetheart and we were off following his career across the country. My career did not survive moving every nine months so I did the reasonable thing and got pregnant. So between the four of us we have three corners of the country covered as birth places. Sorry Maine. Each time we moved I hunkered down and did what I could to anchor us. I look back at that expended energy and cringe. I should have conserved more. So as these things work out (another recession) I ended up back near family in the SE. I got to raise my two kids in a great area with good schools without moving them around. They got to belong somewhere. They were close to family. My husband was still traveling all the time but I actually was somewhere long enough that it was ok to invite me and not expect him to come along. BTW churches do not have sunday school classes for married but alone on Sundays people. That should be changed. (another rant for another day).

My daughter grew up to be scary smart and headed off to college to become an engineer. My son grew up and became a football player. This was especially cool because my father played. Then he became Center (just like my father) and then one of the captains (you get the drift) and they became very close. A good thing because the tides of change came and we were suddenly heading to Phoenix, AZ. I'd like to emphatically point out that this was BEFORE the housing  bubble burst. So I was checking out schools and house hunting (which I hate!) and realizing for 1.6 million I could buy a cute little 2 bedroom 1 bath in the only school district that even offered the advanced math classes we would be leaving. Yes my son is that bizarre exception to the rule that big and burly means dumb. So I opted to stay with him in GA to finish up HS and get recruited to play football at Ivys and have the HS experience he deserved for all his hard work.  And actually it worked because then the recession hit and the housing prices crashed and we would have been upside down on any mortgage we had taken out FOREVER. OK The background stuff is almost over.

So even with my husband flying in for as many games as possible it was my father who sat with me for most of the games. Totally enjoying himself. And then he up and died on us. It was horrible to say the least. Then there was graduation. Sending the last child off to college. Selling the house they grew up in and heading to Arizona. The common consensus was that I should go there to die. Its what people do. Perfectly sane rational older people than I suggested this. Buy in a 55 and older community, make friends, wither away. Downsize. Very popular term with people living in McMansions.

So combine grief, empty nest syndrome, moving and well you get the picture. And then the husband totally blows off the 25th wedding anniversary. The dog almost dies. And drum roll please...I turn 50 and the only gift I receive is a set of 'The Biggest Loser" adjustable dumb bells. I know because it came from Amazon and said so in large pink and black lettering. And now you have a mental image of me which is totally inaccurate. I'm not over weight or unfit. I was actually a house painter (faux and murals) before the move and spent quite a bit of my time on ladders and scaffolding so it made no sense. The husband was not to blame he simply once again opted out but did manage to jump into the car with me as I headed out to Sedona to commune with the vortexes before I killed something.

So I spent 2 years in Phoenix doing absolutely nothing. Ok I painted the house we bought, landscaped the yard, planted a garden (btw you can't grow tomatoes there) and read books. I tried jewelry making because they have a great mineral/ rock show annually in Tucson. You're thinking "get a job." But I don't speak spanish and Phoenix doesn't even want volunteers at this point, they just want money.

And then....my husband's company expands and he'll be spending at least 50% of his time in Wisconsin. So let me do the math. I will now be alone in hell except for 10 days a month between the hours of 6 and 8. Well something had to give. And this time FINALLY it was the husband. No I didn't get rid of him, heck I've spent the last 27 years fixing him. Nope, I made him buy me a farm.