So I asked for a farm. I had to sell the idea for a while. But with the political climate what it is, Monsanto out to end us all and possible grandbabies in the future the sell just wasn't that hard. So then I went farm hunting. Not in Wisconsin or Arizona so where? Temperate climate, long growing season, near water. Florida had nothing in my price range. Tennessee had some lovely properties but they tended to be very remote. And oddly you'd have over a hundred acres but the view from the farm house always included a trailer. Huh? I ruled out South Georgia because that is all that's wrong with Florida with none of the perks. I searched for farms but I kept in mind demographics, education, average annual incomes. I mean if you grow expensive organic food and no one can afford them well really what's the point. So I found some properties in North Georgia. Interesting fact: places in North Georgia (not Atlanta) have the highest concentration of PhD.'s in the SE. So I concentrated my search there and found two likely prospects. One was 100 acres and fairly remote, on the Alabama line (literally) had a cool house and barn but....no water and lots of yucca plants. For a good laugh I recommend googling how to kill yucca plants. The other was in a valley, with a small lake and near a river that feeds in Lake Weiss. It had a wooden farm house (like every surface in the house was wood) a workshop, garage and barn. But most appealing was it was perfectly manicured and landscaped. I mean it had a stone entrance and black iron gates. I felt that maybe I could handle it. So we made an offer.

I'm going to skip the rant here about financing because its over. But banks don't like to lend money for land just houses. So the whole system is literally forcing us in suburbs. Just saying.

Four MONTHS later I bought my farm. I packed up what I thought I needed out of the house in Phoenix and drove across the country AGAIN! ( I may have omitted we moved ourselves out to AZ and I made the drive 4 times. I know truck butt.

I moved in three days before Thanksgiving and yes I cooked a turkey and everything. China and Silver and Crystal. And the bird was good. Then everyone left. The first few nights were fairly freaky. I mean I had no internet yet. No tv. Just a few lights and frankly there is nothing to compare to 'I am totally alone out here and there are no street lights for miles' darkness. And then one of the dogs locked me out on the porch. Yes I broke the door down and now there will always be a key hidden somewhere. For those of you thinking nefarious things I don't really mind chicken poop anymore so just try finding it. And yes the dog survived but it was a close thing.

So I set about learning how to correctly use a wood burning stove for heat. Rule number one always get enough firewood from the shed before it gets dark. My Amazon orders started to reflect that. A firewood holder for the porch. A sling for carrying firewood. Eventually that upgraded to a wagon. Firestarters and lighters. And all the packaging it came in came in very handy. I'm not proud I cheat when I'm cold.

I found myself thinking OMG what have I done? I've given up a plush though lonely existence in AZ and I'm still alone and in the middle of nowhere. And then the ladybugs arrived. By the thousands. Crawling up the walls, on the ceiling, on me. I'm not exaggerating. They smell BTW. And then the wasps joined them.

I've lived a lot of places. All in the U.S. but still I've gotten around. I just had to get a new driver's license and for the first time ever they asked for all the states I'd ever had a license in before. I asked, "In order? and does it matter the number of times in each state?"  They were not amused. I thought it was a valid question. I could rant here about needing an additional 4 forms of i.d. 2 proofs of address, ss number and then they wanted a certified copy of my marriage license when they had all the documentation before them that I have never changed my name but that's for another day. Today I'm going to invite you to join me on a true adventure. And with any good adventure you need to know why.

So I've moved a lot. I'm really not the wandering type. I would have been perfectly happy living my days out in Florida enjoying the more relaxed casual life there. I like beaches and swamps and open water. I love storms that only last 5 minutes and sunsets that take your breath away. But my family moved. I managed to get back to Florida for college (Go Gators!) but then (there is ALWAYS a recession when me or mine graduate) I could only find work in Atlanta. I married my Gator sweetheart and we were off following his career across the country. My career did not survive moving every nine months so I did the reasonable thing and got pregnant. So between the four of us we have three corners of the country covered as birth places. Sorry Maine. Each time we moved I hunkered down and did what I could to anchor us. I look back at that expended energy and cringe. I should have conserved more. So as these things work out (another recession) I ended up back near family in the SE. I got to raise my two kids in a great area with good schools without moving them around. They got to belong somewhere. They were close to family. My husband was still traveling all the time but I actually was somewhere long enough that it was ok to invite me and not expect him to come along. BTW churches do not have sunday school classes for married but alone on Sundays people. That should be changed. (another rant for another day).

My daughter grew up to be scary smart and headed off to college to become an engineer. My son grew up and became a football player. This was especially cool because my father played. Then he became Center (just like my father) and then one of the captains (you get the drift) and they became very close. A good thing because the tides of change came and we were suddenly heading to Phoenix, AZ. I'd like to emphatically point out that this was BEFORE the housing  bubble burst. So I was checking out schools and house hunting (which I hate!) and realizing for 1.6 million I could buy a cute little 2 bedroom 1 bath in the only school district that even offered the advanced math classes we would be leaving. Yes my son is that bizarre exception to the rule that big and burly means dumb. So I opted to stay with him in GA to finish up HS and get recruited to play football at Ivys and have the HS experience he deserved for all his hard work.  And actually it worked because then the recession hit and the housing prices crashed and we would have been upside down on any mortgage we had taken out FOREVER. OK The background stuff is almost over.

So even with my husband flying in for as many games as possible it was my father who sat with me for most of the games. Totally enjoying himself. And then he up and died on us. It was horrible to say the least. Then there was graduation. Sending the last child off to college. Selling the house they grew up in and heading to Arizona. The common consensus was that I should go there to die. Its what people do. Perfectly sane rational older people than I suggested this. Buy in a 55 and older community, make friends, wither away. Downsize. Very popular term with people living in McMansions.

So combine grief, empty nest syndrome, moving and well you get the picture. And then the husband totally blows off the 25th wedding anniversary. The dog almost dies. And drum roll please...I turn 50 and the only gift I receive is a set of 'The Biggest Loser" adjustable dumb bells. I know because it came from Amazon and said so in large pink and black lettering. And now you have a mental image of me which is totally inaccurate. I'm not over weight or unfit. I was actually a house painter (faux and murals) before the move and spent quite a bit of my time on ladders and scaffolding so it made no sense. The husband was not to blame he simply once again opted out but did manage to jump into the car with me as I headed out to Sedona to commune with the vortexes before I killed something.

So I spent 2 years in Phoenix doing absolutely nothing. Ok I painted the house we bought, landscaped the yard, planted a garden (btw you can't grow tomatoes there) and read books. I tried jewelry making because they have a great mineral/ rock show annually in Tucson. You're thinking "get a job." But I don't speak spanish and Phoenix doesn't even want volunteers at this point, they just want money.

And then....my husband's company expands and he'll be spending at least 50% of his time in Wisconsin. So let me do the math. I will now be alone in hell except for 10 days a month between the hours of 6 and 8. Well something had to give. And this time FINALLY it was the husband. No I didn't get rid of him, heck I've spent the last 27 years fixing him. Nope, I made him buy me a farm.